Thursday, June 25, 2009


Hip-hop is a complicated creature. The members of this culture are looked at as a whole by the outside world, but on the inside there are various sub-cultures. You got East Coast, West Coast, Gangsta, Dirty South, Hyphy, Crunk, Emo, and etc... Even in each sub-culture lie even more sub-cultures. For example, Florida, New Orleans, and Atlanta are all considered in the Dirty South category, but each region generates a very independent style and sound from its country cousins. None the less, it took time for each of these components to emerge and become recognized in the world.

Where am I going with this? I want to pioneer new styles of music I hear emerging. I want these "genres" to be recognized for what they are. Here are a few I have noticed.

This is any song that is belted out by a woman who really can't sing, but they look good doing it. Another criteria of this genre is that upon hearing the first notes of one of these songs, women instantaneously stop what they are doing and move and sound like sluts. Dance floor or not. Pioneers of this type of music are Britney Spears, the Pussycat Dolls, Lil' Kim, and Cassie.

DOUCHE BAG HOP: This genre is growing more popular by the day. This is basically any song that makes a douche bag feel empowered by his douche bag-ness, usually resulting in jumping on the dance floor as they loudly recite the wack ass hook. Members of this category are LMFAO, Flo-Rida, and any thing that Spencer Pratt or K-Fed have or may produce musically. Jim Jones is quickly falling into this category.

IWANTTOBETAKENSERIOUSLY!!! MUSIC: This sub-division holds music made by artists who nobody really cares about, but 10 year old girls. These artist held on to that demographic a little bit too long, and now the consequence is no matter what they do they can't be taken seriously by an adult audience. These are artists such as Bow "I don't care how many episodes of Entourage you star in you will always be Jermaine Dupri's Mini-Me to me" Wow, Soulja Boy, Brooke Hogan, and DJ Webstarr. Britney Spears also does work in this category too.

PSEUDO-DEEP ART: Music in this category is made, excuse me, conducted by "artistes" that believe they are deeper than their music really suggests. Also, in the slim event their music actually sucks, then that just means it was above the audiences' heads and before its' time...WE DIDN'T GET IT, because it can't be garbage. When not on stage or making music, many artists in this culture hold on to a dark and overly philosophical persona, and their sometimes strong opinions are always right, even when proven wrong. Artists in this sub-culture are Kanye "Gayfish" West, Lupe "Tribe Who?" Fiasco, Lil' "Wobbly Wobbly" Wayne, Kid Cudi, and Charles "You Got Knocked The Fuck Out...By A Chick!" Hamilton.

STRONG-ARM MUSIC: This is just that shit that makes you want to bust somebody's god damn head in for no particular reason. Upon hearing the first notes, testosterone levels rise above normal levels instantaneously. You already know who's in this category. Maino, M.O.P., DMX, Redman, and early 2pac, Wu-Tang, and Ice Cube.

You got more categories? Hit me up in the C-Box or post a comment.


Cenzi Stiles said...

i am just wondering why you talk "down" to all the subgenres except the "strong arm" one.

I think there is another Genre...

the old school heads that keep putting out music. Like NYOIL, Paris, KRS, De La Soul, Tip, etc.

peso915 said...

I wasn't trying to talk down, I was trying to put a comedic spin on it.